What Are Friends For

Danielle Bayard Jackson: Friendship Coaching

March 23, 2021 Gabrielle Ruiz & Pallavi Sastry Season 3 Episode 8
What Are Friends For
Danielle Bayard Jackson: Friendship Coaching
Chapters
What Are Friends For
Danielle Bayard Jackson: Friendship Coaching
Mar 23, 2021 Season 3 Episode 8
Gabrielle Ruiz & Pallavi Sastry

This week Gabrielle and Pallavi are joined by friendship coach, publicist, and viral Tik Tok star, Danielle Bayard Jackson. They discuss the benefits of examining female friendships and taking active steps to cultivate and strengthen platonic relationships. The three agree that platonic relationships are a "need to have", not just a "nice to have" and deserve to be uplifted and celebrated. 

Get 10% off your HydroJug order with code WAFF10 https://www.thehydrojug.com/discount/FRIENDS  

Follow us everywhere @waffpodcast

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/waffpodcast)

Show Notes Transcript

This week Gabrielle and Pallavi are joined by friendship coach, publicist, and viral Tik Tok star, Danielle Bayard Jackson. They discuss the benefits of examining female friendships and taking active steps to cultivate and strengthen platonic relationships. The three agree that platonic relationships are a "need to have", not just a "nice to have" and deserve to be uplifted and celebrated. 

Get 10% off your HydroJug order with code WAFF10 https://www.thehydrojug.com/discount/FRIENDS  

Follow us everywhere @waffpodcast

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/waffpodcast)

Gabrielle Ruiz:

No really what our friends for friends are for taking each other's advice but even more so, taking an expert's advice because we really don't know what we're talking about you guys

Pallavi Sastry:

that's exactly what I was gonna say Gabrielle because Oh, hi I'm I'm Pallavi Sastry, I'm

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And I'm Pallavi's, and I'm Pallavi's best friend Gabrielle Ruiz, welcome to What are Friends For, go ahead

Pallavi Sastry:

No what I was gonna say is like, despite our personal beliefs we actually don't know everything now. So I I really I was just telling our guests during our prep today that I feel like I'm going to school for this episode because I love to learn and this is something we can always learn more about is how are you better friends? So I think the best way for us to get into this whole like, cuz I feel like we know this person fairly well already, even though we haven't known her for that long and we've only known each other virtually very fast friends. Yeah, I have to say I think so. I don't know if she feels that way. She might be like, I don't know about you, lady. We will find out. I don't know you people like, but we will definitely find out. Stay tuned Exactly. But she sent us a DM. So you guys dm they work.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Okay, um, dm slay.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yes. And so we want to play that real fast as our sort of warm up into the conversation into our introduction of this new friend.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Hello, my name is Danielle Bayard, Jackson. And I am having her because I just discovered your podcast. I follow Kat here and I saw that she was recently on an episode and I was like, this is a bunch of episodes, and just a certified friendship coach. Thank you for making sure that we're dedicated to this specific thing because we are not having this dialogue. And I appreciate that you were doing that. I did want to say while I was bingeing the episodes, I noticed that you have not yet covered how to have tough conversations with your friends unless I missed that episode. If that's something you all plan on covering in the future. I'd love to live my voice to the conversation is not working through the episode without me Just let us know let me know let my team know so we can at least listen and learn. So I appreciate you I appreciate all you do and just wanted to pop in to say thank you for the show.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Omg slay we appreciate this guest for an intro so Pallavi. I'm gonna go ahead and introduce Danielle Bayard Jackson is a publicist by day a friendship coach by night she is an author, podcast host and national speaker but despite her credentials and professional accolades, she is most proud of going viral on tik tok in January welcome Danielle.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Hello, this is so exciting.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Congrats congrats on that big Tik Tok win.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, you know, I've just just been a dream of mine for like the past 20 years and so to find me, I was like, I've made it

Pallavi Sastry:

Listen if that has been around a tick tock has been around for 20 years and it really is show like very proof that I am slowly slow to the game here. I still don't understand it. But because of you I have to tell you, it's all your fault that we now have a what are friends for Tik Tok account.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

I love that everybody listening go follow.

Pallavi Sastry:

But I mean your Tik Tok video though it's I mean, I will find

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Who mine? Are you talking about mine? Are you complementing mine. Or Danielle's

Pallavi Sastry:

No, I'm going back to Daniels I'm going to Danielle's social media though is that the things that go viral are the things that somewhat universally speak to people. And that's what it seems like you hit on is and so your dm to us and also finding out more about you and the fact that all of your that your Tik Tok video, the one that went viral is so like, friendship, expert centric, what we wanted to ask you is like, we want to know the rundown of what it means to do what you do to be a certified friendship coach, like how did you get into this?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, so I always joke, you know, when we were back in high school, you take that little test and you input your interest, and then it spits out a list of options of things you should be when you grow up and, and friendship coach is certainly not on the list. Oh, it's not like I've been dreaming of this day. I was actually a high school English teacher for six years. And so while I was teaching, you know, I taught mostly juniors and seniors. So you've got 17, 18, 19 year olds, that you're trying to corral every day. And so you have, you know, some female students who I hear between classes. They'd come to me after class. And it's always something like, the conversation starts to be about a group project. But then they're talking about drama with a girl in the in the group and can you tell her she needs to pull her weight? Why don't you tell her? Well, she's my friend, I don't want to make, like, it was like a whole thing. And I made the mistake at the time of dismissing it as teenage drama. Because when I left education and got into PR, and I'm working with women who are very career driven, and at the top of their, you know, game, the conversation there becomes about how they don't have friends, because they're so ambitious. And because at that level, they've reserved friendship for the margins of their lives, but now they feel disconnected. And that's when I kind of had a moment of like, Oh, so yeah, like, at every season of womanhood, this is a thing, whether it's exercising the muscle of making friends, or breaking up with friends, it doesn't stop. So we might as well figure out how to do it. And so when I went to look for books on it, that's when I realized the discrepancy. Like, if you go on Amazon, and you look up books of, you know how to be a boss in the board room, or like, Mom life, there's so much but when it comes to like, friendship, it's like books for kids, and, you know, stuff that's very, like, you know, very academic and a little highbrow, you know, but there's nothing helpful. And so that's when I went got certified to be a coach and started doing some of my own research and just looking things up and interviewing people and, and conducting surveys with people online, to get information and it just kind of went from there. So you know, friendship coaching, you can essentially get a coach for anything these days, like you can get help for anything, so why not for one of the most important relationships in your life?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Well, Pallavi, and I have mentioned before in our last season, how we in our 20s, separated the responsibility of nurturing and taking care of friendships in our 20s, because we thought, there's just no time for that. And I don't need to work on that. And in middle school, in high school, in college, maybe not in college, but like, in middle school, in high school, you had a lunch break to be social, or you had a organized recess, practically for your brain to get rid of academics, and just have that social life. And then I think in high school, you start, you start, like, you know, multitasking and between, you know, you know, in between classes and whatnot, and there was a, a controlled environment to do that. And now when you have your own schedule, you set your own rules, you set your own finances, and you have your own goals and everything. I mean, we definitely felt and learned and that's what What are friends for is about is talking about that in your adulthood. And it takes work.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah, and you know, like our industry also, a lot of people assume that, you know, I mean, we're theater kids, we started in, in musical theater and in the Broadway world, and and you would think, because we spend so much time with these people, like they're our friends. And we also in our 20s thought that, but

Gabrielle Ruiz:

convenience

Pallavi Sastry:

we didn't have anything to talk to these people about but the work. And that's what we realized, we were like, wow, we don't actually know these people as people. And they don't know me as a person. They we just know each other in the context of this job, which happens to be very emotional work. Right. So we were sort of fooling ourselves for the longest time. And I think that that can happen in any industry, right? Like I even in PR, right. You meet people all the time. And publicists, like they think they're friends with everybody, or at least the ones I've met. But in Hollywood, but but you know, it's it's tough to separate the work from the personal but also feel like you can have a personal connection with people you meet at work.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, yeah. I mean, everything you're saying is is spot on. And, you know, that social backdrop that social environment has always been designed for us. And so we don't have any practice with having to schedule things and initiate things. And then, you know, even when we hear the advice of like, you know, just you got to put it on the calendar, you got to make time. It's like very unsexy advice. And it's like, I've never had to do that. And so, you know, I think we kind of had this representation of female friendship as kind of like being easy. You call her up, we all ate happened to stumble into the coffee shop at the same time, and it's like a Sex in the City episode. And so we're trying to reconcile reality with representation. And so when we can't wrangle everybody together, and I haven't talked to you in six months, and you think it's going to just happen, because it's always just happened. I think we all have that moment of Where are my people and what's happening, but you've never had to practice before. You've never had to coordinate and be so intentional before, but if you want them to last into adulthood, that's exactly what you're going to have to learn to do.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

I absolutely agree. And if we haven't spoken about it yet, we are deep into our first segment.

Singing:

Instafriends or Reality Yeah.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

What we love about our instant friends or reality segment with Danielle is this Tiktok video that did go viral. And it not only do we just admire it, like the impossible of what Pallavi can do, but it really talks, it really had a great. I mean, I was reading the comments of what people were saying. And it was really interesting to me and provocative to see, I would say like, half I would say was like a 50/50 of who vulnerably admitted that this resonated with them. And I would like to just call, you know, Bs on some other people that were like, haha, I have no friends. And you're just like, no, but you really don't like because do you work on it and like, and if they're making fun of themselves, they're using that me for me, I have I have my own walls. I have my own jokes, I laugh at myself. And that can keep you from being vulnerable with people, especially platonic relationships, platonic love. So that was one thing that just took for me from your Tiktok video that the comments did range from like, wow, I'm so glad somebody is talking about this. Also, like, lol that I made a joke out of it. And you're like, But listen, this is real.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, yeah, I think the comments are what got me to see more than 6000 women either saying, Oh, my God, this is so true. And, you know, tagging their friends, like, Hey, girl, you know, I'm gonna have you, you know, as he had a few of those. You had some married women who were like, let me tell you, this is so true, because I love my man. But it is just you have a bunch of women, you know, testifying in the comments, were saying, me and actually, if this is true, that makes so much sense. Because I do feel disconnected. I do feel lonely. So okay, this is like the missing piece to understand why I feel I feel because maybe I put friendships on the back burner where I don't have them. So it was kind of cool to see all the aha moments. But it was also disheartening to see so many women say like, I don't I don't have anybody. So I you know, I don't have anyone. I was kind of sad. So I think Yeah, I agree. I think the comments revealed a lot in general about the current state, maybe of our female friendships,

Pallavi Sastry:

right. And for those who haven't seen this exact video yet, we will of course, posted on our blog, which is on our Patreon public page for free, you can see all of the references we make. But you mentioned in the video, about the research showing that the feet are female friendships and our platonic relationships are a bigger impact on our overall health. Right? Is that essentially what you were saying? Through line? Right, so what I want to know is, you know, what is the research? What is the research you're referring to?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, so I always want that joke. But the way that my TikTok is set up, is I like to give the highlights to spark the dialogue. So the same way people are in the comments, like, wait, why? And I like to say, but you know, for the full context, you know, you push them to the podcast, because it's like, we can't have a full conversation. So that's how I like to use TikTok is kind of generalizing a little bit to get the dialogue, but it's like, Okay, can we fully unpack this together and talk about, you know, the nuance. So, you know, there's lots of, and I and I can share it with you, ladies, you can share it in the Patreon if women want to like go and dig and look and things like that. But there's a lot of research that shows specifically how the way they describe it is your feeling of being supported. And then there's other research that shows about women in terms of how we congregate, how we socialize, how we communicate, how that's different when you put us with a man. Now, I know some people are quick to be like, Well, you can't generalize. But because for the most part, the way we the way we read subtext and meta messages and the way that we communicate, and I and I saw what you said, but I also heard, we're having a connection in a different way, that's going to literally impact my social well, being that you don't get communicating with a man. There's even research about how we respond differently to stress. So at one point, you know, they just told us about, you know, fight or flight. But then, you know, a couple years after that study, they realized they did that mostly with men, what would it look like if we did this again, with women, and it realized that with women we tend or befriend when we're stressed. So we will either go to people we think are more vulnerable, and make sure they're good, or we go with our friends to talk it out. And so just the way that we respond to stress literally is different, you know, than men. So you know, there's something that says, you know, when we come together, we release more dopamine and things like that, and, and everybody does, you get happy, and then all these things happen in your brain, but for men, you know, and opens to men, but because of their testosterone levels, sometimes it works against the things that we release. Sometimes their testosterone suppresses the same things that we secrete. And so for us, it's a party when we get together and we talk and there's tons of means about all that. But there's something to it. And so literally, having women in our lives is impacting our health and impact our emotions, our mental health, our physical health differently than being with a man. And I know there are lots of woman's in the comments were like, Well, wait a second, what if, you know, I actually very fulfilled by my husband. And sometimes we take research like so literally like, well, then maybe this particular things not talking to you and with the the state of the particular women in your life and your history, your husband does fill your cup in every way. And that's great. You know, so you have some people are like, Well, hold on Actually, my husband, that's great. But the general idea is that we are impacted differently from our romantic interest and platonic love. It's different. And so it's just something we're thinking about.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And that's what I love about your friendship coaching that you offer on your website, which is friend forward, is that correct?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, so friend forward is the name of our brand. And the website is, you know, betterfemalefriendships.com like Easy peasy. Because, you know, we kind of see female friends, like, it's fun to go to brunch, it's fun to be social, and don't look at it like, a need, or, like love, and I and that's why I appreciate so much that you guys talk about that on this platform, like platonic love and like elevating it to the space it deserved, and looking at it as a need to have instead of a nice to have.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oh, I like that. No, but your website is fantastic. Because like you're saying, where if it doesn't necessarily specifically resonate with someone because their best friend is their other, their their spouse or their partner? That's a different therapist, that's a different coach That I mean, that if it doesn't, if that's what they want to talk about, or feel like, or they're checking themselves, you know, like, well, don't come at me that way. And you're like, No, no, I'm not, I'm coming at you in another specific way that either you're blinded to, you've never experienced, or you've just buried for so long that you find it offensive to talk about female friendships,

Pallavi Sastry:

or it's not even something that we consider honestly, which is, I think what I would say, I would fall into that category. Because, for me, I think and again, this took a lot of therapy in this, you know, I think for us to become better friends, we do have to work on ourselves outside of the friendship as well. However, I think what was amazing to me in my late 20s, realizing that I didn't have the friendships that I thought I did, was that I felt like I was, I felt like I was giving support, I felt like I was doing what I needed to do to be there for my girlfriends and all those things. But what I also realized was that I was not being vulnerable in those relationships, in order for them to feel safe to be as vulnerable as they want it to be with me, right? So like, if I'm always putting up this facade of, I've got it together, I've got it figured out. I'm good at this. I'm taking care of business, you know, like, I'm your person, you know, like a friend of mine said to me, you know, she she was going through a tough time, but she was just like, I just, I, you're you're just so good at life. You know, I'll never forget that. She said that to me. And I was like, What do you mean by that? She was like, yeah, you just feel like, it just feels like you have to figure it out. So I just don't want to, like sit there and, you know, bitch to you about my problems. And I was like, but that doesn't, you know, that was that was on me. I had to take it on. Right. And like, and I and Gabrielle and I've talked about that a lot is like, wow, I'm literally not telling people what I'm having a hard time with. And that's not making it okay for them to share with me.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Question, Pallavi? How did that come up? Did you ask her? Why didn't you come to me about this problem? or How did that come up?

Pallavi Sastry:

Well, I think at the time, she was going through this, this friend was going through like financial issues, she had just gone through a breakup. And I, I don't I wasn't going through those things. And I didn't know how to support her. And those because I've just, I've been married for 11 years. So like, I didn't know what it was like to be a single person in New York. And so I always put off this. My I would tend to go to advice. And like, say, Okay, so here's what you know, here's where I think this could help. And this could have instead of just listening to what she was going through, because I wasn't humbling myself into saying, oh, wow, we just have different problems. But that doesn't mean that I can't just be a good listener and a friend that way. I was just trying to fix it. And she don't want me to fix it.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Danielle, what's your coach? advice on that if they were like both in the room at that point?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah. So what's interesting is there's like messages and you know, meta messages. So like, I heard what you said, but then like all that stuff underneath it, there were other things that I kind of got from what you said. And sometimes when we like, give advice to somebody, it's, we're unintentionally framing them. In a way it's about framing. So if I'm getting help, I know it's from a genuine plays, but I framed you as the student, it means the teacher. So I mean, well, but that could be offensive to you because it almost becomes like a status thing that we that we, you know, integrate into that conversation unintentionally. And so it's like I'm coming to you to commiserate and to be like, Oh my God and to get validation and so when you go into teaching me You think you're helping me but that means by extension, I'm a student and I need a friend. So those are the things we do unintentionally like how are you framing someone in a certain position that they don't want to be in and that's why they're resistant to taking that help like what else is going on there?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Wow, just just send that just send this episode to that friend Pallavi And now, I mean, I know but like here's here's us 10 years ago.

Pallavi Sastry:

Exactly.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

No, really, Pallavi? I love diving deep into platonic love with you it has really gotten me through this pandemic.

Pallavi Sastry:

Same here Gabrielle and you know, we are happily working so hard to produce this slay content for all of our listeners.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah, that's why I'm so glad we joined Patreon.

Pallavi Sastry:

Hey, Patreon and Patreon is the opportunity for our listeners to get exclusive perks from us all while supporting our podcast dreams.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

What kind of perks Pallavi?

Pallavi Sastry:

Let me tell you about them perks. Okay, our Patreon page has tiers to choose from so you can pick the WAFF perks that speak to you, for example, just for joining as a wall friend, patrons automatically get access to the vodcast. Gabrielle tell them what a vodcast is,

Gabrielle Ruiz:

It's the video version of our podcast where you can see us and our guests friends interviewed on camera and wait for it. It's only $2 a month.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yes, it gets better. We are also offering the option to join us for a monthly watch live show and q&a.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oh my God, that's amazing. So they can ask us about anything.

Pallavi Sastry:

Not only can they ask us anything, there's even a few tears where they could come on and win a chance to meet our guest friends to ask them anything.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Slay, slay, slay, you know, I think what we're most proud of is that 10% of all proceeds from our Patreon page, go to charity. So not only are we focusing on great content for you, we also get the opportunity to give back.

Pallavi Sastry:

So you're saying that all you got to do to get these perks is join at patreon.com/waffpodcast that's W A F F podcast, and that directly helps us keep making the show.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

That's exactly what I'm saying. Because that's what friends are for. Now back to WAFF.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Hi, I'm Danielle Bayard Jackson, your go to friendship coach, and you are listening to what our friends for.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

My question to you is when it comes to your friendship coaching. Do you have one on ones? Or do you have both friends? Now I guess on zoom, like, what are the what's your quarter your courses? Like?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

So the coaching is normally one hour and a woman it's zoom now? Yeah. And she'll come in and she'll all just be like, what are we talking about? You know, like you the client, you the the woman would totally lead it. I'm just listening. And in coaching, we're really just supposed to ask, like very pointed, prompting questions. It's less about. So this is what you need to do. Or, you know, so here's what I did. And it worked for me. So why don't you try what I did? You know, so we're never supposed to point it back to ourselves. I never give advice. I always say, Oof. Okay, well, two things to consider, while you try to figure out what you want to do. That way. It's like you're gonna choose at the end of the day, what you want to do, you have to own this decision. Also, I'll never have all of the context, because you're telling me from your point of view, I don't know your history. So it's always Okay, so these three things I think we should consider, while we kind of weigh our options of what to do. And then we end the session, the hour with two to three action steps, like what are you going to do this week? Are all these revelations? What are you going to do? And then I check back in a week later to be like, okay, so you did it? Let's, let's talk about it, or you didn't do it? And why not? Like, why are you still putting that on the back burner? Like, let's unpack that. And so I like to be very clear about you know, it's not therapy, you know, the best way I've heard somebody described is, you know, therapy reaches back and makes an explanation of where you are from where you came from, and tries to like, explain that connection. But coaching is more about where you are right now, where do you want to be great. Okay, so what are we going to do? And that's kind of right up my alley. I'm very results oriented. And so I'm not equipped to talk about, like, your abandonment issues from your mother is affecting your connection with your friends. I that's not my jam. But regardless of what happened with your mom, where do you Where are you trying to be right now? I can we can we can do that together. So I think this is like right up my alley. But I think it's nice for women who are like, yeah, I have all the conceptual stuff. But what what do I do? I think it's helpful in that way. I think it's also helpful because where are you really supposed to talk about your friendship issue? Like if you talk to your parents, they're kind of like removed, you talk to your spouse, you know, especially if it's a man and he's kind of like, Oh, well then stop talking to her and you're like, Oh, my God, it's more complicated than that. You know, if you talk to your friends, sometimes it feels like okay, well, am I going to look like I'm talking behind her back, but I need somebody to talk this out with. And so there really are many spaces like I even, you know, challenged women sometimes to go on social media. And when you look at posts, like are vulnerable open posts, they're rarely about friendship, like we'll talk about how to fight with my husband, but you know what we worked it out. And just love is just a journey. You know, like marriage is just like a beautiful gift you work through. Like, we'll do that with everything else. You don't really see women post too much about like, man had a fight with my friend, or like, man, I feel really isolated right now or I feel like she's tripping right now. You don't see that? Because we think about well, what if she sees it? Or what if this looks like whatever. So I think coaching friendship coaching is helpful. And that is also a space to talk about something that you really kind of can't anywhere else.

Pallavi Sastry:

You know, I was telling Gabrielle that every episode that I listened to have friend foreword of your podcast episodes associated with your brand, they're very digestible. First of all, I'm in the middle of a moving process. So like your 15 minute episodes are like super perfect for like that drive between the house it's

Gabrielle Ruiz:

highly recommend you guys go checking it out.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah. But I feel like everything that I've heard each topic I've heard, I feel very exposed and attacked by them. And I'm like, how dare she?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oooh she went there calling me out. She's calling me out.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah. And so I, you know, I know you thanked us on your dm. But I have to thank you for that. Because you know, I am going into I do tend to, like I said before, I avoided being vulnerable in my 20s. And that's why I didn't have deep connections with people. But now that I do, try and make myself an open book, I actually do find myself getting into situations where I have to have tough conversations more often. Because the book is open now,

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Danielle, I mean, the fact that we had you on here, we again, we fell fast into friendship with you, like we just admired your reach out of just First of all, the amount of love that you were pouring out to us. And that dm It was one of our first like successful dm connections where we're always telling our listeners, please connect with us. And this would be m send us a voicemail send it to that, but like you did it, you know, and it was just like such a turn on and so attractive. As a friend, you know, we're just like, yes, this girl is like amazing. And then like, what I want to hear I want to talk about friend forward. Yeah. Because friend forward is an app that? Is it just for women? Is it? Is it just for is it specific for friendship? Give us the scoop on that?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah, so you know, the idea of the app is a place where you can come and one, learn how to be a better friend, because a lot of us are like, Oh my god, I know, I know, I need to step it up. But we don't know what to do. So you know, every week, I'm dropping things in there, like what to do and explaining concepts. Okay, you probably feel that way. Because of this. All right, let's do our homework. So you got some of that in there. But it's funny, because when I was designing the app, I was like, This is gonna be like the first app where you can like, go and learn. Like, it's like action steps. And girls are gonna love it. And most of them are most excited about the virtual events that we have, like, oh, cool, like a new module dropped. Cool. Cool. Cool. So do we have, you know, these virtual happy hour Friday? Okay, you know, that's what the market wants, I'm going to pivot. But we have virtual events as well. So we've had mixology lessons, cooking lessons. And so the trick of what's happening is, you would see that we're having these events in the membership. And you're like, Oh, that's cool. So you sign up because you want to do something cool. But in reality, what's happening? I'm offering that as a social backdrop to do what you want to do. You said, you want to meet people chat new women up meet new women, put yourself out there. Right, right, right. So I'm going to provide a social backdrop for you to do that thing you said, it's an opportunity. So just like we were talking about, and not having recess anymore, and not having, you know, our friends right down the hall in our dorm, and we can just like roll in there. We don't have that anymore. So

Gabrielle Ruiz:

even more with social distancing, my goodness,

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

exactly. And so it's like, Who's gonna come up with the idea and coordinate the thing, and I don't have an idea for it. So every week we're doing something so you know, tomorrow, we're listening to a podcast episode, and then we're just gonna talk about it over coffee at nine o'clock tomorrow. And we have mythology lessons for a Galentines day and we have, you know, yoga, and so there's always an opportunity. And they know at the end of every event, I tell them, okay, so you're going to find a woman in here who said something that resonated with you, and you're going to message her when we're done because it's all about momentum. Like don't just stop here. That was the beginning. So friend for it, you know, it's my baby, but I love it. And already, I'm seeing some connections happen and things like that. And so, you know, women can download that wherever they download apps. But it's been really cool and so far, the feedbacks been really positive, which is nice.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

It's very sexy too Danielle. I mean, like the color scheme and like when you click on it and

Pallavi Sastry:

it's like you know what you're doing? It's like, it's like you're an expert.

Unknown:

I don't know. You really know what you're doing versus You had me at meow sweatshirts. You know, I mean, that is not your brand. That's even not even the colors of your brand day. So we are just like in love platonically with you know, I love it, I

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

think and thank you for the support and the shout outs and things like that. It's just, you know, you know, recently I did a tik tok I like shouted you guys out there was like, yeah, look at this. Because honestly, and I want to be like really honest about this, when I first got into this, and I saw that there were a few other women who dabble in it some way they've written books on it, where they speak, I'm going to be totally real. When I first saw that I remember feeling a little threatened. And I thought like, Oh, well, the they're, like somebody's already doing it, or somebody else. And I really had to work on Wait a second, if you're saying the mission is for more women to value female friendship and to be talking about it and to be working on it, then it's great that there are multiple voices that resonate with different groups of women for them to absorb the message. Because you find somebody you're like, I like her style. So you're gonna listen to her. So who am I to be like, oh, but there's other women doing it like, in like that competing mode, I'll be totally real. I had that as my initial response. And then when I saw that, you've got all these women everywhere starting to be like, actually, yeah, let's talk about friendship, I need to work on it. Who cares if he got that from me, or somebody else as long as you know. And so now it's kind of I can appreciate how beautiful it is to see so many voices starting to rise on the subject, because it's really important.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah, I mean, we've talked about, you know, and I've, I've labeled it the scarcity mentality, because we all have a level of it. Yeah. And Gabrielle and I have talked about it in terms of our work, our industry, our culture's our respective cultures. And, you know, it's, it's because, you know, there's a level of programming that we have maybe just as women, maybe it's as women of color, maybe it's all of the above, maybe you know it, but maybe it's our generation as millennials, you know, I mean, there's a hustle culture that we have. So, you know, there's a, the scarcity mentality, essentially, is, we feel like if we're making space for someone at the table, it's taking our space away, right, because we've been programmed to think there's only one program people.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah, absolutely. Are they just adding another chair?

Pallavi Sastry:

Or just making our own table?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah, let's make chairs. A couch. I like couches. That's more comfortable. But right now pregnant like I am on a medicine ball. So like, let's just do that. For me. Danielle buyer Jackson, thank you so much for joining What are friends for because you are our expert of the season and a very talented expert that we just are so platonically in love with you again, you can check out all of her socials, you can check out friend forward betterfemalefriendships.com We have all the notes for you not have to write it down right now on our WAFF blog on our public Patreon account. But Pallavi, I think we should transition into our final segment.

Pallavi Sastry:

The first question is, and I actually would love to hear your thoughts on this because the terminology tends to trigger people, right? So are you somebody that has none? one or multiple best friends?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Multiple.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Why does that make you laugh?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Because people push back so I'm always like should we be using that phrase? Because some people you know, lately have been like, that's problematic, because the expectations you put on this other person. And then when it's over then you can't grapple with like, why is it over? Because you're my best friend. So you have to be my best friend forever, since like a whole thing. But I recently was trained by a friend of mine, she always says you're one of my best friends. You're one of my but you're one of my three best friends. And I'm like, I have to be happy with that. And so I use it. I use it kind of loosely, who isn't my best friend. You know what I mean?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

You practice plural. platonic love.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Yeah. Yeah, it's not it's not monogamous over here.

Pallavi Sastry:

Okay, and next question is how do you keep in touch?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

I am a video girl. I like to send videos when I'm thinking of you for the thing, because I will forget. And so if I see something, I thought it was funny. And it reminded me of that time on spring break. I'm gonna record it and be like, Oh my God, look at this thing, right? Remember? 2008? That's crazy, right? And so that's how you have to do it in the moment or you'll get busy and forget.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oh my god. I want to know Danielle on spring break of 2018

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

No you don't

Pallavi Sastry:

Okay, That's so great. Okay, thanks. Question in one word, or I'll take a hyphenate. What type of friend are you? Some examples might be you're a problem solver, your listener, you're needy, you're blunt,

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

sarcastic?

Pallavi Sastry:

not what I expected to hear, but

Gabrielle Ruiz:

go on.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

I'm on so now I'm just like, Oh, yeah, absolutely. But when I get comfortable, you know, you know, my people know

Gabrielle Ruiz:

with that glass of red wine.

Pallavi Sastry:

Okay, and what would you like to do better as a friend?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Oh, so good. It's a little shallow like a little like a superficial one. But I have to get better at texts, I have to get better at responding in a timely manner. And I and I'm determined to do so soon, one day, trying to figure out a system like not letting myself read it yet because you read it and you think you respond in your head and so I gotta get better because for so many people your response time it they interpret, like your level of interest in the friendship or how much you care. So it's like because others interpret that that lag time is something negative. I gotta I gotta get on it.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Maybe you're Do you have like read receipts on your phone? Now? Maybe you should do that'll be your accountability friend, the little receipt thing or says you read it or

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

not? So I hear you saying I need to give myself anxiety.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Listen, I'm not the friend expert here. Okay. I'm not

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

because then my work around ways of like, how do I work around her? Not the thing that I just saw that again, I

Gabrielle Ruiz:

think I think you had me at meow is the friendship. So don't listen to me. So our iconic final question. I'm just going to move on. Away from my own friendship advice is Danielle, what our friends for?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Friends are for a friend or for companionship through a life that would be completely dry and colorless without them.

Pallavi Sastry:

That gave me the warm and fuzzies.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

It was mushy. It was mushy, but but I like it. Yeah, I heard it back. I like it.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

I love it. No, it wasn't mushy. It was solid. It was solid, like a really nice velvet cake. Like it's still good. And people don't think it's real, but it's like it's real cake guys real cake. Right. Okay, Danielle is real cake. Okay. Thank you, Danielle.

Pallavi Sastry:

I'm just I'm literally like giddy. I'm like smoothing giggling so much during this episode. So I hope people take a seriously but I More importantly, hope that you will go and check out Danielle buyer, Jackson. And all of the ways we will post it all in the description of this episode. And hopefully, we'll have you back on in many ways. We've already done the Instagram Live with you, we might just keep going on all the platforms. So right

Gabrielle Ruiz:

we'll keep we'll keep hanging out. Is there anything you'd like our listener friends? To know that's coming up for you or friend forward? Or your?

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Um, no, I would just say, you know, follow us on Instagram and all the things but if you have an issue, we've probably done a podcast episode on it. Friend forward, but um, we're here as a resource. So if you ever have a friendship issue, you know, feel free to reach out through dm because we try to be responsive. But the main message would be that you are not alone. In your little thoughts of is it just me it's not just you, and hopefully like the growth in the world can start there to know that you are not alone.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oh, I need I needed to hear that today. Thank you.

Danielle Bayard Jackson:

Thank you for having me. This was fun.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And with that we're so grateful that you are reviewing and rating our show you can review and rate on Apple podcast or share from Spotify. You can leave us a voice message we have a number 805-973-SLAY and let us know what you want us to talk about when it comes to female friendship when it comes to platonic love.

Pallavi Sastry:

Okay, and with that we will see you all next week. Bye ladies.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Bye!

Pallavi Sastry:

1 2 3 4 This episode was produced by Team access productions and Fast Nickel Inc. Our supervising producer is Philip Pisanchyn.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Our consulting producers are Kathleen Choe and Rose Harwood lead production

Pallavi Sastry:

assistant is Anna Danniker digital content director is Susi Cabello. Our production assistants are Daniela Heredia Vega, Solaire Olsen and Megann Billedo.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Our podcast artwork is created by Aishwarya Sukesh original music by Joie Sherman and special thanks to irresistible force publicity and Hari Savitala

Pallavi Sastry:

please remember to subscribe rate and review this podcast wherever you're listening now. this helps our show's visibility and helps us keep making it for you.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And find us on all the socials Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and tik tok. At WAFFpodcast, that's W A F F podcast to find links to our exclusive podcasts, live shows, shop merch, even text us visit waffpodcast.com

Pallavi Sastry:

We truly appreciate you all checking in with us online. But know that friend that you've been like, ah, I really haven't checked in with them in a while. Go do that.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah. Go do that. Now.