What Are Friends For

Smiley Poswolsky: Recipes for Friendship

May 25, 2021 Gabrielle Ruiz & Pallavi Sastry Season 3 Episode 17
What Are Friends For
Smiley Poswolsky: Recipes for Friendship
Chapters
What Are Friends For
Smiley Poswolsky: Recipes for Friendship
May 25, 2021 Season 3 Episode 17
Gabrielle Ruiz & Pallavi Sastry

Gabrielle and Pallavi sit down and discuss their book report on author, speaker, and millennial workplace expert Smiley Poswolsky's new book, "Friendship in the Age of Loneliness." Smiley's book explores how friends stay connected and present with one another across time, space, and modern barriers like technology. Gabrielle and Pallavi share their thoughts on working with friends, making time for friendship outside of the workplace, and the different ways they show their appreciation for friends.

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Show Notes Transcript

Gabrielle and Pallavi sit down and discuss their book report on author, speaker, and millennial workplace expert Smiley Poswolsky's new book, "Friendship in the Age of Loneliness." Smiley's book explores how friends stay connected and present with one another across time, space, and modern barriers like technology. Gabrielle and Pallavi share their thoughts on working with friends, making time for friendship outside of the workplace, and the different ways they show their appreciation for friends.

Get free delivery on your first grocery order of $35 or more at instacart.oloiyb.net/WAF

Follow us everywhere @waffpodcast

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/waffpodcast)

Gabrielle Ruiz:

No really what our friends for friends are for Mother's friends making very good soups and taking like four more minutes because you're freaking pregnant and you know what you're like, I'm gonna enjoy this cookie, also, okay. I'm Gabrielle Ruiz everyone welcome

Pallavi Sastry:

and I'm Gabrielle's best friend with the mom who made the soup, Pallavi Sastry. Hey, I will have you know, though, I took the lead on making that soup.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

You're right, you're right So friends are for making each other soup, which is your love language making food for people? That's correct, right?

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah, I think we'll probably get into that, because I feel like that's part of our notes today. But like we for this episode, and I love these types of episodes because it feels like I'm a good student, you know, and I'm like doing a book report. On that note, I want to thank all of the listeners, and are all you future listeners or new listeners, thank you for rating and reviewing what our friends were on Apple podcasts and sharing on Spotify. All of those things help. It's like an Instagram algorithm you guys like every time we get a comment and like moves to the top of the feed. So it really makes a difference. You keep doing it. And I think we should just get into this intro. What do you think every all because I think so to talk about?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

I think so. And I'm so happy you wrote a book report because I can't wait to learn about it. We're gonna introduce our really exciting guest friend for this episode, author, speaker, millennial workplace expert, and community builders Smiley Poswolsky Welcome to WAFF

Smiley Poswolsky:

thank you so much for having me. It's really great to be here today.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

You mean here but like on zoom, but not here, here. But here cuz you're the you're the expert. So you let us know.

Smiley Poswolsky:

all the places. Yeah, I feel like we're I feel like we're in the same room. I feel like we're in the same room or in the same room.

Pallavi Sastry:

I mean, thankfully, you are one of the few guests that we get on the right time zone. So like we don't have to worry about like it's too early or too late for either of us. So that's always nice. We're all in the same headspace. It's a nice afternoon. We've had our lunch. You know what I mean? Pallavi's lunch.

Smiley Poswolsky:

We all have your lunch.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

So good. We'll put it on the WAFF blog. Can we put the what can we put the recipe on the blog? Can we just talked about two seconds?

Pallavi Sastry:

Okay. Listen, like you know, I don't write down recipes, though. So you're gonna have to make you're gonna make me write down a frickin recipe now, but anyway, let's not talk about my soup anymore. Let's talk about Smiley Poswolsky. So you are I've heard this. I've seen this quote in some of the interviews and articles about you that you are a millennial whisperer. Sure yeah. And we're, we're millennials as well. But I have to tell you anecdotally, and we can get into this because I want to hear your sort of like diagnosis of what a millennial is. But our producer Anna is much younger than us. She is a zillennial. And I asked her earlier today I was like, is it z lineal? Is it xennials? She said, it doesn't matter. They're both nonsense words. And I was like, Oh, okay. And I was like,

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Okay, okay, middle part. Okay.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then we also learned from the lovely Stacy Brinkman, who's a lovely entrepreneur from Texas. She said that she called herself a grandma millennial, which really resonated with me and Gabrielle.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

I feel seen.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yeah, but there's like, I feel like you're the guy to ask on what is a millennial and how, what are the qualities that define our generation?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Sure. So there's no definitive answer. I kind of identify what that elder millennial is. Well, there's a there's a great stand up routine on Netflix called elder millennial is flushing her now. She's like, legit famous Netflix deal. My routines are mostly you know, on Instagram or just in person on stage, but

Gabrielle Ruiz:

maybe on paper.

Pallavi Sastry:

No, smiley, don't say that. You know what if you do get a Netflix deal, they might be listening, right?

Smiley Poswolsky:

That's right. I got a little bit of an amateur stand up comedy thing going on, but it's mostly like workplace humor. But so I was born in 1983. So if you ask like the New York Times and Pew Research Center, I'm actually not a millennial, they usually define it as 1984 to 1997. So that's the millennials after 1997 is Gen Z. So usually people define Gen Z is if you don't remember September 11, like as the day where you were on that day. Your Gen Z, also known as the smartphone generation, or I Gen kind of a generation that only knows the world through digital devices, but we were kind of in this special category of like, didn't really have technology when we were kids that we had AOL Instant Messenger.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah, but not until like Middle School in middle

Smiley Poswolsky:

school right and we had Oregon Trail you know, like getting dysentery,

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oregon Trail Leo. polio was a big deal for me all the time. I was unlucky with polio.

Smiley Poswolsky:

And then we started to get email in college and I didn't actually get a cell phone until pretty much sophomore junior year of college I think a razor Motorola why the snake phone

Gabrielle Ruiz:

in like 2005 that's

Smiley Poswolsky:

exactly so we're at you know in this in this interesting boat but I identify more with Millennial than Gen X. So Gen X is kind of that slacker generation 1965 to 1980 ish, Dazed and Confused Breakfast Club. So I'm I'm just not that and I'm probably not a pure millennial either. So we're kind of in the middle. But Millennials are often kind of defined as a generation looking for purpose in the workplace. I would say that's most important and relevant to my work. So people always say Millennials are the me me me generation like lazy, entitled, is probably the most common stereotype. Sure, selfie generation, which is obviously very accurate. But I actually think that most of the stereotypes couldn't be kind of further from the truth. The truth is the majority of millennials would take a pay cut to find work that matches their values, they turn down money to do work, they actually care about pretty interesting

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Speaking my truth,

Smiley Poswolsky:

majority of millennials want to use their skills for good they think the business world is too focused on their own agenda and profit and not focus enough on improving society and social and environmental causes.

Pallavi Sastry:

Such selfish assholes, they are actually care. How dare they care about the world

Smiley Poswolsky:

So I have a more positive outlook on on the generation that doesn't mean that everything millennials do is great. It doesn't mean that there aren't entitled millennials, it doesn't mean that there's we've all known the millennial that goes into work or starts a job and is like, I've been here three weeks, I think I should get a promotion, be the CEO and tell everyone what to do. I'm showing up like I was here, where's the promotions? Like, it's your third day. Supposed to be here. That's your job. Like,

Gabrielle Ruiz:

you're doing your job. Yeah.

Pallavi Sastry:

I love it. I love it. But I mean, okay, that's that's great, because I think it will inform you know, the the reason why you wrote the book, so which we will get into it. But what we love about having you on the show is that we were sort of introduced to you virtually buy another guest friend who we consider a friend now as well, Kat velos. And so and then, and then clubhouse, which is a whole nother landscape now is when he and I actually like we're able to converse for the first time. But again, like this is the first time seeing you face to face virtually again. But it's a really great like, I think, Bow Bow Tie way to have this conversation. We're really glad that we got the opportunity to read your book and do a book report, like I said.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

The book is called friendship in the age of loneliness. And you can find links to it, you can find smiley, all on our waft blog, which is on our Patreon account, patreon.com slash swap podcast. It's our free page. Don't worry, we won't, we won't swipe your CC, you can go check it out and see what this book is all about. There's He's like, he's like doing like the, the interview route right now. And he squeezed us in at waff podcast. So you'll see smiling, you'll get to know more about him. He's gonna be all over. And we're so excited to add in some friends versus reality with a February 25. Post smiley on your Instagram that talks about like early morning presentation. You're doing like a super early one belonging in a remote workforce. And do you remember that day?

Smiley Poswolsky:

I think so. Yeah. To the Business Council in Westchester.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Congratulations. Yes.

Pallavi Sastry:

And you talk about and you encourage them to talk about, you know, both the losses and gains of the last year of the pandemic. And so we wanted to actually use that. Because what we love about this segment is that we don't just like observe our friends using their Instagram we use it as a tool to start the conversation so we looked at that post we said oh losses and gains of the last year that's a really great exercise. So what do you feel like were your gains from 2020? Not the losses, right? Because that's what we concentrate on is what are the gains?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Yeah, cuz i think you know, this usually gets framed as like, oh my god COVID the pandemic and it's like, yes, it's been awful. It sucks. I miss my friends. I miss going to live music I miss like being Dinner Party meeting people hugging people. I'm uh, you know, my, my nickname is smiley, like I love people, obviously, and I love dancing and I love going out and I love just being out and about. But actually, you know, the truth is I actually feel like I gained while the most important thing in my life that I gained this year is love and partnership. So I started dating my partner, an amazing woman on Alli farm on January 4 2020. So we had been friends for a couple years, but we reconnected on January fourth, I was hosting a house show at my house in Oakland. And she came and we reconnected and basically four days later, which was six weeks later, in March, we decided to quarantine together. Because I was like, I guess I could stay I lived in a big house with 12 roommates. So I was like, I didn't stay with my 12 roommates or I could go with this really amazing woman and move into her place.

Pallavi Sastry:

But we talk a lot about is how friendship and partnership they are honestly very parallel skills to have like, you know, the skills that it takes to build a romantic partnership with somebody are very similar to the skills you have to use in order to keep a friendship alive. You know, they're not always going to be fun, funny laughter some rainbows and sunshine sort of conversations, and you get kind of when you're when you're like in front of somebody and quarantined with them, you know, and she was a friend before you said, right. So like you already have to like, face the uncomfortable because you have nowhere else to go.

Smiley Poswolsky:

Exactly. I think I think I realized, you know, I was using travel, work busyness social engagements as kind of the distraction even my roommates actually, if I'm being honest, like, oh, there's a little tension here, I'm gonna go complain to my roommates about it

Gabrielle Ruiz:

or like one of the 12 a lot of you had a lot of options to just like, tap in and then tap out.

Smiley Poswolsky:

I also don't want to like pay too much on co living because co living is an amazing, beautiful thing. For friendship. I really believe in like living in community, regardless of your age, I think more adults should live in community, I think more families should, you know, have their own spaces, but like, pod up and have you know, houses that are nearby or apartments nearby because friendship and community should be something that we don't get just like in college or in our early 20s. Like

Gabrielle Ruiz:

it's so true adults

Pallavi Sastry:

Well you'd love my house.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

That's very true. It's a full house over there at the Sastry house.

Smiley Poswolsky:

But I remember like when Ali and I were kind of having our first you know, get to know you like moments of Ooh, like, I didn't know that about you? Or like, that kind of pisses me off? Or how are we going to deal with this? I looked like where can I? Where can I go? Like, I got it. There's got to be something I'm doing tonight. Or like, I'm going I'm going to go out of town this weekend. Like, let's take a great days of just like not talking or like I'm gonna go to my, you know, boys weekend or something. And it was just like, there's nowhere to go. It's just like, I can go take a walk or I guess we could just talk about this. Do you want to talk about this? Like, should we talk about it? Let's talk it out. And that's really what a really real relationship or a true friendship is is communication and talking it out? And yeah, like you said, it's not always the good times, but it's being able to weather the tense moments and having that space where you actually can can dig into it.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

No, really, Pallavi? I love diving deep into platonic love with you it has really gotten me through this pandemic.

Pallavi Sastry:

Same here Gabrielle and you know, we are happily working so hard to produce this slay content for all of our listeners.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah, that's why I'm so glad we joined Patreon. Hey,

Pallavi Sastry:

Patreon and Patreon is the opportunity for our listeners to get exclusive perks from us all while supporting our podcast streams.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

What kind of perks Pallavi?

Pallavi Sastry:

Let me tell you about them perks. Okay, our Patreon page has tiers to choose from so you can pick the waff perks that speak to you, for example, just for joining as a waff friend, patrons automatically get access to the vodcast. Gabrielle tell them what a vodcast is.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

It's the video version of our podcast where you can see us and our guests friends interviewed on camera and wait for it. It's only $2 a month.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yes, it gets better. We are also offering the option to join us for a monthly watch live show and q&a.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Oh my God, that's amazing. So they can ask us about anything.

Pallavi Sastry:

Not only can they ask us anything, there's even a few tiers where they could come on and win a chance to meet our guest friends to ask them anything.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Slay, slay, slay. You know, I think what we're most proud of is that 10% of all proceeds from our Patreon page, go to charity. So not only are we focusing on great content for you, we also get the opportunity to give back

Pallavi Sastry:

so You're saying that all you got to do to get these perks is [email protected] slash waff podcast. That's w a F F podcast. And that directly helps us keep making the show.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

That's exactly what I'm saying. Because that's what friends are for. Now back to waff.

Smiley Poswolsky:

Hi, I'm Smiley Poswolsky and you're listening to what our friends for.

Pallavi Sastry:

Right? Yeah. Right. So, you know, before we really go into the dissection of your book, do you want to tell us a little bit about why you wrote it?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Sure. So the book has a little bit of a kind of dual origins story. So I first started writing it long before the pandemic, actually in 2017. So one of my best friends died at the age of 32. From brain cancer. He, Amanda and Levi Felix, he had started a summer camp for adults called Camp grounded, which is a tech free digital detox summer camp for adults. So we would take 300 adults, like not kids into the redwoods in Northern California and Mendocino. And later, and then in the in upstate New York, and in Texas, and North Carolina, for four days in the woods. And when people arrived at camp, we take away their cell phones, Apple watches, MacBook Pros, no digital technology, people couldn't use their real names. So they had to have a nickname like smiley, or cookie surprise, or sunshine or brickey, St. James or whatever, can't talk about work. There's no what do you do? Where do you work? Oh, my God, blah, blah, blah, there's no age. So you can't be like, you know, Oh, um, how old are you? I'm 22. I'm 68. Like, Oh, my gosh, you look young, you look old, whatever. None of that no talk, no telling time. So it was really just magical kind of experience that ended up 3000 people ended up attending in the course of five years, it really changed a lot of people's lives, providing kind of this place for authentic connection and vulnerability and play. And I wanted to write something that remembered Levi and was kind of reminding myself the lessons he taught me about the power of disconnecting from technology and having balance in the digital age. So that's where the book started, I kind of started the early drafts of just writing, like, Oh, I want to write a book about friendship, then. And I kind of sat on it for a little while and then revisited it at when I was actually experiencing a lot of loneliness in my own life, which is, again, kind of maybe surprising to people that know me pretty well, because again, I'm a social person, I'm always meeting people, I go to conferences, I'm positive. I'm kind of like my job is I guess, to inspire people.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Right

Smiley Poswolsky:

through writing.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And that's how they that's how they see that.

Smiley Poswolsky:

That's all they see. And then, and yeah, you know, how they see the instant printing, you know how it is through social media. Like it's not, that's not really the place to talk about that stuff. Usually, like, I'm having a bad day. It's like, Okay, cool. Like, I don't know what to do with this, like sad emoji, or like a cup of tea, or what you know, it's more just accomplishments, highlight reels. But you know, I was kind of living a lot of time feeling really lonely, like, Who are my friends, like, Who are my real friends like getting back to that kind of like feeling from college or my early 20s? But I'm like, yep, these are my like, core, eight to 10 people in my life. And now it's like way to have all these people. I've got like, 4000, Facebook, friends, Instagram followers, I meet new people literally every day. But I feel like I've drifted away from that core. So part of the book was trying to get back to that. And it was interesting, because when I first pitched the title of this book, like the publisher, was like, Oh, we really we love. We love what you're doing. We love that you're writing about friendship, but we can't use that title. We can't have loneliness in the title. Wow, they said that, huh? I was like, Well, what do you mean? Like, that's the point of it. It's dealing with friendship and the importance of friendship. In the age of loneliness. We're all only 60% of Americans. 60% of Americans are lonely, right? 80% of Gen Z 70% of millennials. So like, a ton of people, this is an epidemic. And they're like, Well, the thing is, like, no one wants to admit that they're lonely. So no one's gonna buy a book that says Like, I'm lonely. I need this. Like, it's kind of it makes you It's, it's, it's sad, or it's like some, and I was like, but that's how I feel. So we agreed to write about, right, so they bought the book, but they were like, contingent upon likely changing the title. And then of course, the pandemic happened. And they were like, Oh, we love like, yeah. So it was like, but I was saying like, this was this was an issue before COVID. Right, like the loneliness epidemic was happening before we spent a year pretty much in social isolation. So yeah, that's kind of a little bit of the origin story of the book.

Pallavi Sastry:

Well, we love how you've broken it up. I think it's a great it's great action items, you know, I mean, and you know, and the first the first part is called be more playful. And I think it's that's what keeps it interesting, right? It's like that finding, finding those ways that you can surprise the friends that you feel like you already know you really well and like, you know, keep it fresh and whatnot. And, you know, gift giving was one of them, which actually was, was kind of like, hmm, for me because like, I am not, that's not my love language, like, I'm not a great gift giver. Like I don't. I mean, when people give me gifts, I'm like, Okay, thanks so much for thinking of me. You're so good at this, like Gabrielle such a good gift giver. You know what I mean? But like, I don't consider myself to have that skill. So like, you know, when I read that part of it, I was like, Oh, you mean like, you know, I could just, I could just like, go out of my way. If I'm at the grocery store, and I say, oh, Gabrielle loves dill pickled popcorn. Yeah.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

It's true.

Pallavi Sastry:

But that counts, right?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Yeah. And I think you want to go ahead.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

You're the expert.

Smiley Poswolsky:

I'm just gonna say like, I think one of my goals for the book was to make this. I kind of call it like a cookbook for friendship in the digital age. So if you think about a cookbook, like you know, like, I'll pick up you know, simians book, salt, fat acid, he or Alison Roman's book, it's like, what am I in the mood for? Not that like, I'm not gonna make that, but maybe I'll make that. And just to make a kind of an accessible thing of like, what, what am I feeling today? Like, how can I show up better for my friend? Oh, it's so simple. It's this one thing, maybe it's writing a letter, buying a gift, picking up the phone and calling. You know, thinking about your neighbor, whatever it is, like these little things, actually are the foundations for living like a healthy, happy life. You know, if you demystify it a little bit, it's not that complex. It's hard to do in practice. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's pretty simple. And we just need to kind of remind ourselves, to put friendship more at the center of our lives. You know, we only spend 4% of our time with our friends. Like when I found out that statistic, I was like, that's makes no sense, right? Spending time with your friends is the coolest thing ever. It's fun. It's awesome. It's playful, it's enjoyable. It's hilarious. It's, it's joyful. It's all the things that we want in life, and yet, we're spending four times 4% of our time with friends 5050 minutes a day each on Facebook and Instagram for active users. And it's like, what are we doing? And yeah, social media can have some positive effects sometimes when use right but you know, like, Hey, here's a menu of actions, solutions, ideas that people can take to spend more time with their friends you don't have to do everyone every day. You don't even have to do any of them any time if you don't like them, but some some of the things in the book are probably going to be helpful for for people to just show up better be a better friend and think about their people more and show up for their people more I think if we all just show up more for our people in our lives, we're gonna feel better and they are going to feel better too

Gabrielle Ruiz:

I also want to take this moment to have an intervention for smiley and meet have intervention for Pallavi that you are a good gift giver. You need to understand that you making food for people making me that soup is a gift Pallavi.

Smiley Poswolsky:

Soup is a gift.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Soup is a gift okay? Panta llena corazn contentos. What we say in Spanish, it's like happy tough like happy, full filled tummy Happy, happy heart, like content heart. And so like you are a good gift giver. I want to say it for the record, that that you cannot say that you're not a good gift giver anymore.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yes, I okay, I hear you. I will accept that. And one of the things I have worked on in the last year is accepting compliments. So I will take that

Gabrielle Ruiz:

it's not even a compliment. It's a fact.

Pallavi Sastry:

All right fine

Gabrielle Ruiz:

let's move on to let's move on to part two be a better friend.

Pallavi Sastry:

Yes, yes. And so this is actually something we've talked about, because you talk about how a third of our lives are spent working. And so friends at work are actually a really important thing to have. But for a lot of people, myself and Gabrielle included, we had a hard time separating conversations with our friends at work from anything but work you know what I mean, like I was, so we were so consumed by the work that, you know, we had a we were it really took us until our early 30s to figure out that we didn't have like meaningful friendships with those people because it was on the job. And once we left that job, because we're actors, you know, once we leave a show, you know that that job is over. So it was very transient in that way. Right. So like, do you have any thoughts on like, you know, how you can make a solid effort on like separating work from personal in that way?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting just looking at the data in place who have a best friend at work, who can identify who their best friend at work is and are really clear about it are seven times more engaged, and people who are worth friends but spend more time on spend time together outside of work doing things that have nothing to do with work together actually do better work together, when they come back and actually work. They're more productive, they're more engaged, they're more creative, more innovative. So I think a little bit is finding kind of common bonds and then doing those activities together not related to work. Right. So especially now, like I always talk about kind of the power of allowing people to bring a little bit of their personal lives outside of what the word context is, so that people can be like, Oh, I'm into that, too. Right? Or, you know, like, that's a creative passion of mine. Like, imagine, like, do you remember, I mean, my kindergarten, we used to have star of the day. I don't know if you remember that. I don't know if people have that are like, a sticker. And like, you have a badge, and you go through, like the whole class and like, you know, all 30 kids, it's like, everyone gets a day, you know, once a week or something. And, and then it's like, the kid gets to be like, this is my favorite stuffed animal. This is my favorite movie, blah, blah, blah, like, this is my, the, my mom came and brought that whatever.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Feature you're like the feature of the day

Smiley Poswolsky:

You're like a feature, but like, what happens is people like me, too. I love that too. You know, imagine if we did that at work where people could be like, I love you know, I love yoga, I love cycling, like, Oh, I'm really into cooking soups as well, like, Oh, I got really into, you know, arts and crafts, or painting watercolors or I got a podcast, you know, or, um, you know, making beats on the side, whatever, like, people doing all these different things, you suddenly got to get to see that and your co workers and you're like, Okay, like, this gives us context to talk about something that has nothing to do with the report we're working on, or like this paper proposal, let's chill. And of course, you know, people can't maybe hang out in person right now. But they can still talk and they can still maybe go on a walk, and soon they'll be able to get together in person. So that's a good place to start, like kind of creating that learning, sharing. Way of connection.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And I have to say, though, I think Pallavi, I you were part of this chapter in New York. For me, I think I finally found something that I guess worked for me. And my schedule is I had people over my place to do vision board parties. Yeah, we did vision board parties, and you actually made new friends there. Because you were meeting people smiley like, not about work, which New York City in general, no matter what industry you're at, is very work centric, New York holics. Through and Through, very proud to be one it was so just hyper hyper work centric, that you didn't know how to talk about anything else. So having people over for vision boards, you met people on the account of their dreams on what they wanted about, you know, or they just want to go with this specific place in the world for vacation, or they like elephants for crying out loud. So I have to say it was I was a little late on the or I just it took a while to figure out. So I wish I had your book.

Smiley Poswolsky:

Well, that's also just such a deeper thing to do. Like, there's a lot of research that shows when people kind of have a shared purpose with others, like they feel more belonging, they feel more connection, you know, like I um, early on in the pandemic started an author support group where people were coming together to work on their books, right? Because it was like, I lost most of my business, you know, right away, like, as soon as like Disney World closed NBA cancelled their season, I was like my, because, you know, I'm a speaker and all of that. Yeah, you know, events industry just went dark, pretty much like right away, because people can't get, you know, aren't going to do large social gatherings. So I was like, well, I got to do something here, I got to work on my book, and I need to make a little money and I got nothing to do. So maybe I'll do an author group. And there's all these people that were working on their books, some self publish, I'm trying to get book deals. And we did a six week workshop on zoom people coming together once a week. And it was only six weeks. But people that were accountability buddies that wouldn't meeting once a week, just one on one or still meeting together like they're still homies they're still friends, because they're working on a book together. Right? They're each working on their books. So if you're working on a book, like a vision board, like you're gonna get into it, you're gonna hear everyone's like, fears. inner critic, excuses. True, true dreams. Probably like, you know, some it's almost like therapies like real stuff is gonna come

Gabrielle Ruiz:

back. Yeah, it's so cathartic. Yeah,

Pallavi Sastry:

yeah. And for Gabrielle and I are, who are two friends that work together as well. You know, like, that's that, I appreciate that, you know, that sort of validation that it is, it's a great way to bridge that, that relationship even further. It's like, you know, even today, like I think we were talking about something and I was like, I know, she knows that I love her and that I know, she's doing great and doing a great job, but I'm gonna go out I'm just gonna go ahead and send the text because I want her to really know that like, I'm thinking about this for her, you know, like, it's, it's a it's the end that extra, that extra effort took maybe 10 seconds. So, you know, I think even though she and I work together, I try to make sure that I'm making soup or texting.

Smiley Poswolsky:

I love that idea. I believe like sometimes people ask, like, what's the one thing you know, you're gonna, like, tell people about friendship or whatever. And it's like, you can't pick one thing and you can't write I hate that like that kind of, but ever, but I'm just like, just let the people in your life that you love. Let them know you love them. You know, I love that it's simple, but it's true. Because you know, and that was one of the lessons from Levi to have just like, you don't know how long people are going to be around, you don't know what's going to happen. Everyone could use, I guarantee you right now if you were to reach out to them, and whatever their preferred method is, maybe it's text, maybe it's a phone call, write them a postcard letter. Whatever, just let them know you're thinking about them. Let them know recent memory you you know, you're thinking about a memory that you shared together. That's a beautiful thing. And more of that, please, you know,

Pallavi Sastry:

yes.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

So the first question I have for you is do you have none? one or multiple best friends?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Multiple.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And how do you keep in touch?

Smiley Poswolsky:

My preferred method is phone on the phone call phone call Dude, I love picking up the phone calling randomly. That's my favorite

Gabrielle Ruiz:

in one word or possibly a hyphenate so you can get creative here. What kind of friend are you are you for instance like a listener needy pub? Problem Solver. blunt.

Smiley Poswolsky:

I'm A hype friend hype man,

Gabrielle Ruiz:

you're Hypeman.

Pallavi Sastry:

That's that's definitely a very strong category to be a good one.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And what would you like to do better as a friend?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Oh, good question. Listen.

Pallavi Sastry:

And finally smiley, What are friends for?

Smiley Poswolsky:

helping each other achieve our dreams?

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And tell our listeners where and when you can grab this amazing book about friendship in the time of loneliness?

Smiley Poswolsky:

Yeah, so please check out the book. It drops may 4 but you can preorder it today whenever this comes out. You can get it anywhere you buy books, Amazon bookshop, wherever you love books, support any bookstores if you can, you can check out my work at SmileyPoswolsky.com and follow me on all the all the places on everywhere.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

You really are, you can't miss him. He literally has the best smile in the world. And also, we're just so excited that you're now a friend of waff podcast.

Smiley Poswolsky:

I love the podcast. I am a waff friend of waff fan. I love your energy. I love what you are doing. So thank you for having me on. And thank thank you seriously for the work that you do. It's super important.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Thank you. Thank you. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a call and I'm going to make you know like a friendship date and we're going to go swimming with dolphins.

Smiley Poswolsky:

I would love that I would be stoked to go swimming.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Alright, Until then, bye. Bye.

Pallavi Sastry:

1234 This episode was produced by Team access productions and Fast Nickel Inc. Our supervising producer is Philip Pisanchyn.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Our consulting producers are Kathleen Choe and Rose Harwood lead production

Pallavi Sastry:

lead production assistant is Anna Dannecker digital content director is Susi Cabello. Our production assistants are Daniela Heredia Vega Solaire Olsen and Megann Billedo.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Our podcast artwork is created by Aishwarya Sukesh original music by Joie Sherman and special thanks to irresistible force publicity and Hari Savitala

Pallavi Sastry:

please remember to subscribe rate and review this podcast wherever you're listening now. This helps our shows visibility and helps us keep making it for you.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

And find us on all the socials Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and tik tok at wolf podcast.And find us on all the socials Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok at WAFF podcast. That's w a F F podcast to find links to our exclusive podcasts, live shows shop merch or even text us visit waffpodcast.com.

Pallavi Sastry:

we truly appreciate you all checking in with us online. Well, you know that friend that you've been like, ah, I really haven't checked in with them in a while. Go do that.

Gabrielle Ruiz:

Yeah. Go do that. Now.